Bah

Okay, obviously God's trying to pry control out of my tightly clenched death grip as usual. As has been the case in every.single.pregnancy, my doctors are always ready and available for every appt during the course of the pregnancy, that is, until the last few weeks. And then, every time I'm scheduled for an internal exam, they are inevitably called into emergency surgery or are sick or something and I get bumped. Usually this irks me because I am impatient and wanting baby to be BORN NOW and the VE's give me hope that delivery is just around the corner. This time it's not exactly the same. I certainly don't have to deliver today, but I really want my doctor! WAHHHH!!! I had this scenario in my head of him telling me I was 5cm and saying, "oh, by the way, I'm on call today so why don't you just head to the hospital now and we'll break your water?"

See, I am just not very good at submitting to God's will. He's going to do stuff His way and I need to be out of the way. Sigh. No matter what, I'm going to have a baby, right? Is it really going to make much difference whether I have a certain doctor or not? It *would* be nice if he happened to be around to deliver this baby. But if not, then God's still in control and God doesn't make mistakes.

A more urgent prayer would be for me to make it to the hospital in time to deliver without my other three children present, so maybe I should focus more on that...