Rethinking

Well, yesterday was tough. Cole was extremely unhappy yesterday and spitting up a lot, and gassy. I am going to watch to see if it might be a food intolerance (I'm hoping against hope it's not a dairy thing!!). I was sitting with him in bed last night, when he was finally sleeping, and just decided that I can't change who he is, and I have to let go of all my preconceived notions of how a baby is "supposed" to sleep and behave. I have to let him be who he is and quit comparing him (or my others) to other babies. I have to quit having expectations each night of how many hours he's supposed to sleep or how many times he "should" wake up, and just rely on God's strength to help me muddle through all this unpredictability.

I see a lot of lessons that can be learned through these newborn months. How to take a leap of faith and let the Spirit of God work his fruits in me - especially patience and gentleness. I am so impatient, and lose my cool very quickly with him and the other kids when things get particularly chaotic (as they were all day yesterday). I have to slow down and stop trying to DO so many things. I am an energetic and "busy" person and hate to be tied down to a couch nursing or forced to stop what I'm doing to attend to a cranky little person, but I know that slowing down would be so good for my baby, and for my soul. A chance for a few deep breaths and a prayer, a reboot for my temper. A chance to stop being so competitive with all those well-rested parents out there with good sleeping babies, and to remember that this stage is temporary and amnesia is a wonderful thing (otherwise, why would I have had so many babies? lol). Cole is a treasure and a gift from God, and it's about time I start concentrating on the blessings I've received.

As much as I long for God's mercy, I know that the fruits of Patience and Gentleness and Self-Control are vital in my walk with God, so I'd better tune in to what I'm supposed to be learning here!