Well Darn.

So I didn't totally escape the blues. I spent much of the last two days bursting into tears over everything! Can we say that I'm just a wee bit overwhelmed lately. I've been having such a hard time accepting everyone's help, and it's been a humbling experience to admit that I don't have it all together and my baby's not "easy" and I can't handle this without the support of my wonderful, wonderful friends. It's not Andy's fault at ALL, but I get frustrated knowing that while my husband is present all day long, he's unable to help me with anything and he himself requires more help than usual. His surgery coincided with baby's plans to become significantly more difficult. While Cole's still absolutely precious and darling, he viciously hates the carseat or the bouncy or the swing or anything other than my arms, really.

I'm trying to take all of this one day at a time, knowing it's fleeting, but it's hard not to panic when I start thinking that life could potentially be this hard for another 3 months or more. While I attempt to keep the house somewhat "clean" and attend to the needs of three young children besides the baby, cook, do errands and take care of my husband, I don't have time left to control my kids' behavior very well. I'm getting behavior reports from Wesley's class and news from the bus driver that he's falling asleep on the bus very day, and I'm embarrassed to be so disorganized and such a bad disciplinarian. I just feel like a big fat mess.

I am doing my best to rectify this situation as much as I possibly can. This starts with accepting the offers of friends to bring me groceries, or dinner, or relief for a couple of hours so I can get out of the house. The other thing I did was to make a daily checklist for Audrey and Wesley, which they LOVE and which my husband has promised to help implement when he is better. Wesley is going to bed earlier and I'm insisting he only eats healthy snacks with lots of protein for energy. Now, the idea is that if I have a nice structured schedule for the other kids, I should start working on that schedule with Cole? ;-)

He had a pretty fussy hour last night, but I swaddled him tight and got a good four-hour stretch of sleep afterwards...so there's hope even amongst the chaos. And I have wonderful, fabulous friends who have been so great, and a God who will never leave or forsake me and will give me the grace and strength to handle anything.