My New Years Resolution(s)

My New Years Resolution is to find BALANCE. I have so many ideas swimming in my head all the time, so many things I want to do and acheive and fix and well, you know, too many things. I can't expect to suddenly become perfect in 2007 (though it would be nice!), and I don't know what kind of obstacles I might face this year, but at least I can work on what I can work on.

1. Okay, this is on everyone's list, but I want to change my eating and exercising habits. I have an online support group and I want to start posting my daily food and exercise diaries on there again, as I have had great success in the past. Eating healthy foods and exercising is not only helpful for my figure, but it's a boost to my marriage. Last time we both "dieted," Andy and I had so much fun with our little weight-loss hobby, and we had more energy and felt better, and we saved so much money not eating out. That's on our "resolution" list, too. Not to eat out for the entire month of January.

2. I want to start cooking more and learning new recipes, with the help of Food Network, of course. ;-) My goal is to entertain and cook for other people at least once a month, ideally including people from my neighborhood or friends I don't see very often. Not just church friends who I see all the time.

3. I want to put Cole in his own bed. The family bed was working for us, for the most part, but lately he's been waking more often and I'm tired of going to bed at 8 or 9 just to get enough sleep. I miss my hubby. So if Ferber is the only way, then I'm trying it. Tomorrow.

4. I want to actually stay within my grocery budget. It never, ever, ever happens! But if I could get organized enough to stock up on staples and take advantage of sales, I might be able to come up with recipes that require things I already have. Taking 3 or 4 kids to the grocery store 3 times a week is just NOT working for me, lol.

5. I want to keep up with my current to-do list on my online housekeeping forum. I have been doing this with much success, and I'll be adding "read Bible" and "exercise" to those lists. Exercise might not start with gusto until Feb. 1, when my gym membership resumes.

6. I'd like to finish some house projects in 2007. The mural behind Audrey's bed, the boys' dresser, the basement safari mural. And I'd really like to find a way to make my artwork business profitable.

7. Speaking of that, I'd like to find a way to get all my artwork sold and get rid of lots of stuff so that our garage becomes available for other things, like cars.

8. I'd like to implement a lasting and effective schedule for my kids, using charts and time-outs, Super-Nanny style. This is a lofty goal for me, but it would be nice if I could get more consistent and credible in my discipline measures. I have lots of ideas for that, but I really have to DO it. I want to continue our family game times and meals together, because that is such a major boost to all of us and it really helps the kids' behavior.

9. I want to grow in my prayer life and Bible reading, and learn much from my Bible Studies, so that when my plans get de-railed, unexpected events sideswipe us, or everyday life makes me forget, I have a wonderful, powerful, merciful God to pick me up and brush me off, and in turn, help me reach out and comfort and encourage others.

So that's a lot of stuff. I think I have more, too, but I'll just stick with this list for now, as it is more than enough to keep me busy. All in all, it's just one resolution - to find Balance. To figure out how to arrange my priorities and get things done in a somewhat orderly manner, to the glory of God. Impossible? Maybe. But the bible says that nothing is impossible, so what the heck. So here's to long lists!

Reluctant Hostess Survives

I'm here! I'm alive! My extended family has gone home, the presents are opened, and my house has been patched back together (except for the random piece of "Floam" embedded in my carpet). Even most of my Christmas money has been spent! ;-) We got through the holiday without any major confrontation or rude word (which, believe me, is unusual) and enjoyed the rare holiday at which all members of my family - all my siblings and their spouses/kids and my parents - were in attendance. It was chaos, to say the least, fitting 15 people into my little house, and we spent a great deal of time tripping over one another. But we also laughed, played games, ate lots of food, and gave and received way too many gifts. I tried so hard to limit how much I got for my kids, but still they ended up with a boatload of new stuff. Of course, many of the pieces to their games and toys were already missing by the a.m. of December 26!

We have a new rule in this house that all games, especially card games, are to be played with the family and only with parental supervision. Last night, Andy and I played Uno with the two older kids while Cole and Ashton looked on, and it was FUN! No TV, no yelling and screaming, just a fun game by the fire. We really need to do more of that. Family time. Time to just sit and enjoy eachother and engage one another in actual conversation. Dinner is often at the table, but then the kids are usually bored because Andy and I, who barely get to see eachother these days, are trying to catch up on the other's day and want to have adult conversation. So this after-dinner game time gives everyone a chance to be equally engaged...and it provides an opportunity to actually keep all pieces to games intact for more than 24 hours.

Outing Themselves

My kids think they are so smart. They try to get away with stuff while I'm busy with Cole. They like to break things and they like to steal my camera. REAL smart that they take PICTURES of their secret escapades!

Fun With the Kids

PLUS



EQUALS



It's not a whole lot of fun to clean, but a great holiday project for the kids and very fun to eat.

Just for You, Janet!

Just Pictures today

Snow Angels

No, we're not making any. It's actually pretty warm outside and there isn't any snow. But I got my new Over the Rhine CD (http://www.overtherhine.com/) with that name. It's the sign of a true fan that I instantly loved (and sang along with) every song. It's a perfect Christmas CD and I felt so calm holding Cole in my arms and dancing around my living room to the music in the dark and Christmas lights.

Today, especially this morning, was hard. I was so tired after a night of fighting a raging headache and a baby who wouldn't stay asleep longer than an hour at a time, I felt I could barely stand up at my MOPS meeting. It's hard not to compare my baby with everyone else's, or wonder how I'm praying the wrong way when I feel like life with a new baby (and three other rambunctious young'ns!) is just one test after another. Most days, I feel pretty good and life doesn't get me down. I mean, my kids are a gift and a delight even when they test me, and Cole is sweet and his smile is precious. But I get discouraged when I diligently follow the "routine" all day and Cole is worse that night. Or when I get so sidetracked with Christmas preparations and housecleaning and coralling kiddos that the routine is smashed to smithereens and I'm back at square one. I know the Truth about God's love, but sometimes it takes a little smack in the head to remind me that I'm not the sole person God forgot to love or something. Sometimes I am blind to the blessings that flow so abundantly in this life of mine.

So I will continue to pray and hope and I know that I'll inevitably end up missing these times, as crazy as that seems to this sleep-deprived lady!

Ashton is having a hard time figuring out how he fits in this family. He has taken to stealing pacifiers, most often right out of Cole's mouth. Often he'll put it right in his mouth, but lately, he's wanted to assure that if I won't let him have it, Cole doesn't get it either, so he rips it from baby and throws it. He's definitely acting up in every way, and I can only imagine, judging from how active Cole already is, that in about two years or so, I"ll be dealing with the numerous antics of two partners in crime. Oh well, I can hope that by then, my other two kids will have mellowed some. I can hope, right?

Is My Kitchen Too Small?

Apparently it is for Audrey. I told her to pick up her crayons and paper, which were (of course) spread out all over our breakfast room area, and she said, "Well, it's not MY fault our kitchen is the size of R2D2!"

Back to the Grind

Actually, I look forward to Mondays. Everyone (including myself) seems to freak out around here when the weekday routine is disrupted. I like having my husband around, don't get me wrong, but everything is so DIFFERENT during the weekend and my kids are bouncing off the walls and my baby doesn't know what to do with himself. I also get extremely lazy on the weekends, and don't feel like accompishing anything, whereas during the week I like to be productive.

It was a good weekend, though. We had our church Christmas party on Friday, which was pretty fun (and good food!) but I had to leave early...not because of Cole but because of Ashton, who was running my sitter-friend ragged. Where IS my sweet perfect little boy these days? Anyway, Saturday was spent working on a mural with my friend Carolyn. We're doing a pond scene for the nursery at church. We discovered (to my delight) that Cole sleeps WONDERFULLY on his tummy, and while that's a no-no these days (with SIDS awareness), I am SO happy to put him down IN HIS ROOM and IN HIS BASSINET for a good nap and actually have him sleep. No swing or swaddling necessary. I've been doing it at night (gasp, I know...don't worry, I check on him incessantly) and he's been doing better. For two nights he's slept for two longer stretches in a row, which is glorious. After 4 it's still touch-and-go because he's so congested. MUST.BUY.VAPORIZER.

Okay, so on Saturday p.m. I had a friend over and she worked on an afghan and I baked cookies using my late MIL's recipe. I was so happy to get it right because the holidays already don't seem the same without her, and having these cookies around is like having a little part of her. And I like that. In other news, I finished the last bit of my Christmas shopping and cleaned out my pantry and steam-cleaned my carpet this weekend. So I still have some other household projects to finish and some baking, but I'm done with the big stuff. Whew.

And yesterday I was very lazy. Which felt fantastic. I guess Sunday is an appropriate day to take it easy, no?

It's fuzzy, but

I had to post my first photo of Cole smiling!

Every Day is Different!

I know my posts could give someone whiplash. One day I'm optimistic and joyful, the next I'm falling apart. Guess "chaos and joy" is about right.

Today I'm doing so well! Not that Cole is suddenly the World's Easiest Baby and sleeps through the night or anything, but my hormones seem to be leveling off and I basically just *feel* better about the whole thing. I'm starting to enjoy parenting - even babies - again, and I am generally happier as a rule these days. I just hate that bleak feeling of "it's never going to be better EVER" that seems to strike me in my postpartum state, no matter what the baby is like.

Actually I think Cole is like Ashton, and if so, then I'm extremely lucky because Ashton was a dream after the first few months. Cole doesn't seem temperamentally difficult. He seems uncomfortable. I've been doing a little googling and am beginning to suspect reflux, which would explain the constant night wakings, the congestion every morning, the frequent spit-ups and hiccups and choking sounds, the fact that all this discomfort is much worse when he's lying flat on his back. So, at risk of getting him dependent, he'll be sleeping in the swing for the forseeable future. He slept in it last night and I got two 3-hr stretches out of him, which believe it or not, is great for him and perfectly sufficient for me at this point. The good news is, one can grow out of reflux, and it's entirely possible that I'll have an angel baby in a few months. Even if I don't, I thank God for him and it's amazing how I can have so much love and devotion to this little guy already.

In other news, my 3 older kids managed to break their previous record for Most Things Broken in one week. Argh.

Rethinking

Well, yesterday was tough. Cole was extremely unhappy yesterday and spitting up a lot, and gassy. I am going to watch to see if it might be a food intolerance (I'm hoping against hope it's not a dairy thing!!). I was sitting with him in bed last night, when he was finally sleeping, and just decided that I can't change who he is, and I have to let go of all my preconceived notions of how a baby is "supposed" to sleep and behave. I have to let him be who he is and quit comparing him (or my others) to other babies. I have to quit having expectations each night of how many hours he's supposed to sleep or how many times he "should" wake up, and just rely on God's strength to help me muddle through all this unpredictability.

I see a lot of lessons that can be learned through these newborn months. How to take a leap of faith and let the Spirit of God work his fruits in me - especially patience and gentleness. I am so impatient, and lose my cool very quickly with him and the other kids when things get particularly chaotic (as they were all day yesterday). I have to slow down and stop trying to DO so many things. I am an energetic and "busy" person and hate to be tied down to a couch nursing or forced to stop what I'm doing to attend to a cranky little person, but I know that slowing down would be so good for my baby, and for my soul. A chance for a few deep breaths and a prayer, a reboot for my temper. A chance to stop being so competitive with all those well-rested parents out there with good sleeping babies, and to remember that this stage is temporary and amnesia is a wonderful thing (otherwise, why would I have had so many babies? lol). Cole is a treasure and a gift from God, and it's about time I start concentrating on the blessings I've received.

As much as I long for God's mercy, I know that the fruits of Patience and Gentleness and Self-Control are vital in my walk with God, so I'd better tune in to what I'm supposed to be learning here!

Sleep, Where Art Thou?

As a continuation of my ongoing saga of Elusive Sleep, I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with Cole's nighttime habits. Lately, during the day, he's been a real angel. Smiling more often every day, even cooing (when he's in his favorite place - the bath! He's truly his mother's son). He sticks to the "schedule" well all day long. I made the cycle of E.A.S.Y shorter so that his nap times aren't longer than two hours at most, and he's adjusted perfectly. But nights aren't getting better - they're getting worse. I had been counting on my 3-4 hour stretch (between 8 or 9 and midnight) and he's suddenly become a night owl, and I don't even have that! Luckily, dh stayed up with him last night so I could get my needed 3 hours, but after he brought him up at midnight, Cole was back to his usual up-every-hour routine. And I'm not kidding when I say that NOTHING works to keep him happy except constant nursing. I'm not exactly walking the halls (he's not screaming) but ignoring his grunts doesn't help because they *will* escalate to cries if I don't attend to him. Swaddling only goes so far. Last night he was swaddled tightly and in the bassinet, but after an hour he had peed through all of that, and I had to change him and wrap him in another blanket. And no matter how much circulation I cut off wrapping him tightly, the little Houdini has no problem getting his arms out of that.

I'm seriously at a loss here. I have tried everything the books and my friends have suggested, and I can not get this kid to stay asleep. I'm lucky that he naps regularly throughout the day, but ack, I spend every day worrying about how he'll sleep at night. I am not greedy. I wouldn't mind waking up every 3 hours to feed him. I don't have to sleep straight through. But every hour is ridiculous. I find myself counting down to that magical 3-month mark when I feel comfortable letting him CIO. I don't have any moral problem with CIO but I feel that 6 weeks is too young.

I feel like a broken record with my friends. Every prayer request is for Cole's sleep, and I sometimes feel discouraged, and start questioning why I pray for specific things if they just plain aren't going to happen. I'm getting stretched and am learning all about patience and reliance on God's strength and energy, and He hasn't let me down, but I do sort of feel like I'm on Mute when I pray for things to get better with his sleep.

This whole stage is short-lived, and I know that soon it will be a distant memory, probably so much so that I'll actually yearn for another baby (which isn't going to happen, barring any miracles, by the way). But right now I'm in the moment, and the "moment" isn't a whole lot of fun.

Luckily, I'm getting to know this little man more every day, and figuring out his personality and every day he becomes more fun to parent. Of course, right this very minute he's screaming his tooshie off, so I guess I'm done venting.

I must really be special!

My daughter tells me that she loves me more than ANY rock star.